Variant Lost (The Evelyn Maynard Trilogy Book 1) Page 17

  Ethan, Josh, and I were avoiding being seen together too much outside of class, but that meant we couldn’t talk about our situation, and the longer I waited to get the full story, the more questions I had. It was driving me mental.

  To make matters worse, my insane levels of energy were back. I hadn’t slept at all the past three nights. As an upside, I was now ahead in all my coursework. In my extra time, I was devouring anything I could get my hands on to satiate my thirst for Variant-related knowledge, whether that was Variant studies journal articles or trashy tabloids about high-profile Variant people.

  From a gossip website, I learned all about Senator Christine Anderson’s Variant ability to understand and speak any language, her passion for purebred poodles, and her determination to have Variant interests represented on a national level. When I clicked through to an article about a Variant actress whose ability was to slightly alter her physical appearance, I drew the line and tried to read something from the business pages.

  The name Zacarias caught my attention. It was an article about Alec and Ethan’s mysterious uncle—Lucian Zacarias, head of Melior Group—and Davis Damari, another rich Variant who ran a pharmaceutical company. The two had struck some big deal to start a revolutionary new venture together. When it started talking about “mergers” and “dividends,” I got bored and gave up.

  There was very little about Lucian Zacarias on the Internet—the perks of being in charge of an international spy agency, I guess. There was, however, a lot on Davis Damari. Most interesting was that he hadn’t manifested an ability until his thirties, unheard of in the Variant world, as most people presented with an ability by age twenty. His story had given many twenty-something Variants hope. I made a mental note to ask Tyler about it, then got sucked down another gossip website hole.

  I had gone for 5 a.m. runs and done countless sit-ups and push-ups, but the energy was not abating. By the time Thursday came around, I was still bouncing off the walls, and the itchiness was coming and going more often. This worried me; the itchiness usually subsided as soon as I exhausted myself. The buzzing energy took a bit longer, but it usually went not long after.

  Maybe it was something related to my Vital nature and Tyler would have some insight. I was glad our appointment was for first thing in the morning—I didn’t think I could wait any longer.

  I arrived twenty minutes early and paced the corridor outside Tyler’s locked office, trying not to scratch, failing miserably, and garnering a few strange looks from other staff making their way to their offices.

  At ten to nine, he arrived.

  “Finally!” I groaned as he came around the corner.

  He paused briefly in surprise before an amused look crossed his face.

  “Sorry,” I said. That was rude. “I didn’t mean to jump down your throat. I’m just . . .”

  “Eager?” he supplied, unlocking the door and stepping inside. “Enthusiastic? Frustrated? Slightly crazed?”

  “Yes. All of the above.” I laughed nervously, closing the door behind us and sitting down in one of his tub chairs.

  He deposited his messenger bag on his desk and sat next to me, as he had on the first day. “OK. Let’s dive right in then. Perhaps you might like to ask some questions?”

  I nodded emphatically and opened my mouth to start firing them off, but . . . nothing came out. I had been thinking about this for three days straight. There were so many things vying for my attention—the Light, the Variant-Vital relationship, my blood tests—I couldn’t get my mind to focus on just one.

  What did come out surprised me, although it shouldn’t have; it was the only thing I couldn’t research. “Why do we have to keep this a secret?”

  Tyler blew out a heavy breath. “Right to the hard stuff, huh?”

  “I just don’t understand.” I looked down at my hands. “I know that being a Vital is a big deal—that they’re a cherished and respected part of Variant culture. So why do Josh and Ethan not want anyone to know I’m theirs? Is it because it’s . . . me? Because I wasn’t raised Variant and I have no idea what I’m doing? I don’t want to embarrass them, but—”

  Tyler cut me off midsentence, placing a gentle hand on my arm. “Eve. No.”

  I hadn’t realized I was feeling so insecure about my new Vital status and my connection to the boys, but now that I was saying it, I realized it had been in the back of my mind since Tyler dropped me off, imploring me to lie to my friends.

  “It’s not like that at all,” Tyler said. “Ethan and Josh are ecstatic to have found you. When a Variant finds their Vital, it’s like a piece of the puzzle they didn’t know was missing falls into place. No one could ever resent that. They couldn’t care less what anyone, human or Variant, thinks about your Bond.”

  “Then what is it?”

  “This is such a precarious issue . . .” he muttered, almost to himself. Then he turned his eyes back to me with a determined expression. “OK. I promise this is all related.”

  I nodded and shifted in my seat to face him more fully. His hand slipped off my arm as he began to speak, and I immediately missed his comforting touch.

  “Throughout history, the balance of power has shifted between Variants and humans. At times, Variants, thinking our abilities made us superior, have enslaved and demeaned the humans for our own gain. At other times, the humans, considering us too great a threat, have imprisoned and segregated us, treating us like mutants, abominations, and defective versions of themselves. It has swung back and forth throughout history and from region to region. Sometimes religion was used to justify the segregation, sometimes politics, and sometimes a simple survival need—more land for farming and crops available to us at the exclusion of them. It’s all bullshit, of course.”

  He was obviously passionate about this. He’d begun to gesture with his hands, his voice rising.

  “Two Variant parents are just as likely to produce a human child as two human parents. There is no discernible reason why some people are born with the Variant gene and others aren’t. It’s not hereditary and it’s not contagious. We have isolated a protein that, when present, indicates the individual is Variant, but we have no idea what causes it. And even when it is present, that doesn’t guarantee the child will ever present with abilities or Vital access to Light—they could just have a dormant gene. This hatred of one another has nothing to do with actual differences. It’s a basic psychological phenomenon of self-identification; the ‘us versus them’ theory. We are better able to quantify to ourselves who we are by identifying who we’re not. Are you following?”

  “Yep. We’ve been slaughtering one another since the dawn of time, and we like to join clubs to give ourselves some illusion of belonging. Go on.”

  I knew all this. It was basic history and psychology. I needed to know how it related to my present situation.

  Tyler smiled at me indulgently and continued. “In a nutshell, in the last fifty years or so, we have enjoyed relative peace between humans and Variants, at least in the Western world. We’ve worked hard to create unity, understanding, and equality. We have laws that prevent discrimination, we work side by side, and mixed marriages are no longer as taboo as they used to be, although those are only possible for Variants without a Vital. But that’s a whole other thing I won’t get into right now.”

  He was alluding to the fact that most Variant-Vital connections that weren’t between blood relations resulted in romantic relationships. I’d done a little research into this during my sleepless nights, but when the journal articles that came up had headings like “Polyamorous Relationships in Variant Bonds and the Associated Social Implications for Wider Communities: A Longitudinal Study,” I quickly moved on to other things. I was definitely attracted to both Ethan and Josh, and I was about 80 percent sure the feeling was mutual, but I wasn’t ready to deal with the idea of dating them both. At the same time.

  I avoided meeting Tyler’s eye and waited for him to continue.

  “Over the last few years, cracks h
ave appeared in our current harmonious coexistence. There are radical groups on both sides arguing for the dominance and superiority of one group over another. Variant Valor are Variant elitists who think a genetic fluke makes them better than ‘average’ humans. These are the type of people who use the word Dimes proudly. The Human Empowerment Network are fearmongering nuts who think Variant abilities are an abomination and need to be controlled if not entirely purged. They are loud and outrageous, and at the moment they’re seen mostly as radicals on the fringe, but they are gaining support at alarming rates. The Melior Group is keeping a very close eye on the situation while making considerable efforts to maintain positive relations with the mostly human government. It’s one of the things Alec is involved in.”

  The information about Alec had me sitting up straighter. The kind gesture with the latte notwithstanding, he was still avoiding me like the plague, and I still hadn’t managed to deliver my thanks to him, let alone question him about the night my mother died. Any insight was precious.

  Tyler saw my enthusiasm and held up a hand. “I can’t tell you much more than that, so don’t even ask. The point is, the government and Variant organizations like Bradford Hills and Melior Group are on edge at the moment. The reason we wish to keep this secret is twofold.”

  He twisted to face me fully, and a weary expression crossed his face. “Firstly, if Melior Group found out Ethan and Josh had found their Vital, they would be recruited. Their abilities are rare and powerful, and in dangerous times, having power like that . . . well, let’s just say they wouldn’t have a choice. I don’t want either of them being forced to fight, and they don’t want it either.”

  Ethan was only one year older than me, and Josh was two. We were college kids—they couldn’t go around waving guns and abilities, getting in life-threatening situations, any more than I could. My heart did a little jump in my chest at the thought of them in danger, but Tyler was still speaking, so I did my best to focus on him.

  “Secondly, it’s dangerous for you. We’ve managed to suppress this in the press to avoid panic in the Variant community, but there have been a series of abductions in the last six months all over the world. All of them Vitals, none of them found yet. If it became known you were a Vital, your very life could be in danger. We may not be able to contain this information much longer—Variants like to gossip more than a bunch of sixteen-year-old girls—but regardless, it’s better that no one learns of your true nature.”

  I slumped back in my chair and stared off into space, scratching my left wrist absentmindedly. All three of us were in danger—the guys from being recruited into a life of violence, and me from potentially getting kidnapped by some lunatic terrorist organization.

  Some of the guilt about lying to the Reds lessened. This was so much bigger than gossip-filled confidences between roomies.

  How had my life changed this much in a few short weeks? What did we do now? Just avoid each other and hope that the connection went away? From my reading, I knew that was impossible. Once the Bond was formed, it was for life. But just as I was avoiding thinking about how being in a relationship with more than one guy would work, I was trying not to think about how permanent the Bond was.

  This situation was overwhelming on every level—from the global-extremist-group one right down to the personal-relationship one.

  “What do we do now?” I turned my slightly panicky question to the only person who had a chance at making me feel better about this situation.

  “We train.” Tyler declared with a firm nod.

  “Right.” I nodded too, much more spasmodically. “We train.” I took my sweater off. The itch had spread to my elbows, and the sleeves had begun irritating my arms. But I couldn’t focus on that. Tyler was speaking again, and he was the man with the plan.

  “It’s too late to suppress your blood test results now. The Institute will know you have Variant DNA, but we can use that to our advantage. It gives us an excuse for you to have more one-on-one sessions with me.”

  “Right. Good excuse.” I stood up and paced, my energy levels refusing to be ignored any longer. I did my best to concentrate on what Tyler was saying as I gave in and started scratching my arms from wrist to shoulder.

  “The official story will be that you’re getting extra tutoring in your Variant studies, and you will, but we’ll also use the time to teach you how to get a handle on your Light. With practice, you will be able to control how much you channel and how much of that you funnel into Ethan and Josh. Eventually you’ll be able to touch them without Light transferring automatically, and you’ll be able to choose to push larger amounts to them without having to get . . . ah . . . so close.”

  “Learn how to transfer Light without sucking face. Got it.” My breathing had begun to speed up, and I moved on to scratching my neck.

  Tyler laughed and then looked at me quizzically. “Eve, are you all right?”

  “Yeah, yeah. Just a little jittery. Lots to consider. Lots to do. Is it hot in here?” I moved over to the window and yanked it up. “It feels hot in here.”

  “Oh . . . kay . . .”

  “So what do I tell people when they ask about my new Variant status?”

  “The truth. Your blood tests came back positive, but it’s news to you. You’ve never had any hint of an ability. Leave it at that. It means you’ll be forced to attend some Variant events that get put on from time to time to facilitate Variants meeting one another, but we can handle that. The guys and I have been going to those things since I can remember.”

  “Cool, cool. Keep it vague and go to some parties.” I laughed nervously; the notion of going to some exclusive Variant dating event suddenly seemed hilarious. “I don’t think I have anything to wear to a nice party. Oh man!”

  The itching was becoming unbearable as it spread farther. I was alternating between scratching my arms and the top of my chest, right down into my cleavage.

  Tyler stood up, eyebrows raised, his attention fixed on my hand down my top.

  I couldn’t worry about him though; my T-shirt was starting to feel like a cotton torture device. I grabbed the bottom of it with both hands, ready to yank it over my head.

  “Eve! No!” Tyler took a step toward me, his right hand raised in a “stop” motion in front of my torso. “What the hell are you doing?”

  Through the fog of insane energy and unbearable itchiness, I managed to stop myself from stripping in front of my new tutor, but I was still really uncomfortable. Why wasn’t it going away? I had gone for a two hour run just that morning after staying up all night and studying. I felt as if I was going to explode!

  I grunted through gritted teeth and shook my hands next to my sides while jumping up and down, trying to literally shake some of the intense energy out of my body. I looked at Tyler pleadingly. “I don’t know what to do. It’s so itchy. And it’s everywhere, and I feel like I could run a marathon and still have extra . . . help me!” I didn’t know what I expected him to do. I had no idea what to do myself, but I felt scared. It had never been this intense before.

  Realization crossed his features, and he ran one hand through his messy brown hair, breathing out a curse. “This is happening sooner than anticipated,” he said, more to himself.

  Another growl of frustration from me and I had his full attention again.

  “It’s going to be OK, Eve,” he said. “This is just an overflow of Light. It knows now that you have two very powerful abilities to feed, and it’s flowing freely into you to get to them. It just needs to be released. And you’re going to release it all into me.”

  He took another step toward me and held his hands out in invitation.

  “What? How?” Was he saying he was going to kiss me?

  “Transference comes much more instinctively with members of your Bond, but it is possible for a Vital to release Light to any Variant. It doesn’t feel as natural or as good, but it can be done quite easily by most Vitals. And you’re already worked up—your heart is beating like crazy, yo
ur breaths are shallow and erratic, and your emotions are all over the place. The floodgates are open. We just need to give it something to pour into.”

  He punctuated his statement with a flick of both wrists, emphasizing that he wanted me to take his hands.

  So he wasn’t going to kiss me after all.

  Trusting that he knew what he was talking about, I stepped forward and placed my hands in his. As soon as our skin made contact, I could feel the excess energy draining out of me. The sense of relief was so intense that my eyes rolled back, and I may have made an embarrassing sound of pleasure.

  My shoulders relaxed, the tension easing out of the taut muscles all over my body. My breathing evened out, and the itchiness disappeared, draining out of me right along with the Light.

  Within minutes, I was calmer, more relaxed, more myself. I was surprised at how easily I was able to transfer the Light to Tyler after what he’d said about it being more unnatural with people who weren’t in my Bond. I didn’t know what it was supposed to feel like, but it felt good. Exquisite. As good as when it had happened with . . .

  My eyes snapped open.

  Tyler was staring, transfixed, at our joined hands, his mouth open slightly, his breathing heavy and deep.

  He looked up and met my gaze. For a few moments we just stood there, holding hands and looking at each other, the realization that had dawned on us both hanging heavy in the air.

  “That,” he said softly, and swallowed hard, “felt fucking . . .”

  “Amazing,” I finished, my voice as soft and breathy as his, and my hands squeezed his reflexively.

  He responded by gently tugging me toward himself. Our eyes were still locked on each other, and I could see the gray in his almost alive with movement. Just as Ethan’s had been in the pool.

  Inch by inch we drifted toward each other. It felt like that first day when we’d sat side by side in this very office, chatting and drawing closer without realizing it. Only it was way more intense, and now I knew why we were drifting.