Just Be Her Read online

  “I didn’t realize you were still here.” God, I’d missed that gravelly voice.

  I clasped my hands in front of me to keep from reaching for him. He didn’t want to see me. He was looking for Toni, knocking on her door.

  “I’ll get Toni for you.” I hated how defeated my voice sounded as I stared at his tan boots. They looked massive next to my bare feet.

  “I can talk to her later. I was coming to see if she knew where you were.”

  When I looked up into his dark gaze, he was smiling faintly. Hope welled in my chest, just a tiny spark spreading from deep in the center.

  I wrung my hands. “I don’t even know where to start, Andre. I’m so sorry for this whole mess. How’s Ren?”

  “Are you going to go through with it?” He dragged his hands over his head and down his face. When they came away, I was struck by how nervous he looked, how unsure. “I need to know if you’re going to marry that guy.”

  “No. Even if I still wanted to, he’s made it clear the deal is off. His family want nothing to do with us. Can’t say I blame them. I’m pretty sure I’ve lost my family business, but all I can think about right now is you and Ren.”

  “Even if you still wanted to?” He raised his eyebrows.

  “I can’t . . . I don’t want to be away from you. I know it sounds crazy. We only just met.”

  “Fuck, I kept telling myself it was all just a bit of harmless fun. Even as I started falling for you, I kept reminding myself that you were planning to leave, go back to your real life, that I—we—were just a blip on your radar. I kept trying to convince myself that whatever time we had would have to be enough. I’d show you a good time, and you’d leave, and I’d have to get over it. I was such a damn idiot . . .” He shook his head.

  My heart hammered in my chest. I couldn’t stand this. Did he hate me? “And now?”

  “Alexandria, I know we’ve only known each other a month, but I love you.”

  Tears pricked at my eyes. I wanted to throw myself at him like I did that first day, but the tortured look in his eyes kept me in my spot. “But?”

  “But I love him too.”

  I squeezed my eyes shut, tears trailing down my cheeks. Of course he’d choose Ren. They had history. They were in each other’s lives, already connected. “I understand.”

  “Woman, you don’t understand shit.”

  My eyes snapped open just as he grabbed my wrist and pulled me against his chest. I wrapped my arms around his middle and gripped the fabric of his T-shirt, as though if I could just hold it tightly enough, he wouldn’t leave me. He smelled so damn good. I committed every last detail to memory. If this was the last time he’d ever hold me in his strong embrace, I didn’t want to forget any little bit of it.

  “I spent all night talking to Ren. We had a lot of shit to work through, shit that doesn’t even have anything to do with you. It wasn’t until I had to face the idea of you leaving that I realized I needed you both in my life. I want to be with you, but I want to be with him too.”

  I frowned. “What are you saying?”

  “I’m saying, I’m not gonna choose sides. I want you both, dammit, and I’m done letting my life pass me by. I’m getting what I damn well want. But Ren needs time. We need to give him time and put the brakes on this.”

  I craned my neck to meet his gaze. “So . . . there’s hope?”

  He smiled, that big grin of his lighting up his dark eyes. “Yeah. Everything’s just fucked at the moment. So you focus on sorting out your business. Ren will come around eventually, and I’ll be right here, waiting for you both to get your shit together.”

  I lifted onto my toes and pressed my lips to his, reveling in the feeling of being held by a man who loved me. The relief flooding my body was palpable. He was right—everything was fucked—but maybe, just maybe, it could get better eventually.

  Andre broke the kiss. “Much as I love it when you throw yourself at me in your underwear”—we chuckled at the shared memory—“we should cool it. We all need time, and I don’t want Ren to feel like we’re doing shit behind his back.”

  “Right. Of course.” I nodded but couldn’t seem to get my hands to stop white-knuckling his T-shirt. “How bad is it? Does he hate me?”

  Andre sighed and pressed his forehead against mine, not making a move to release me any more than I was. “You gotta understand, he’s had people manipulating him his whole life, trying to get him to be something he’s not, pretending to be something they’re not. It’s hit a pretty raw nerve. Plus, he’s so damn stubborn.”

  “Should I talk to him? Explain?”

  “I don’t think that’s a good idea. I told him the whole story. I think you should give him space. Let him cool down.”

  “OK.” I so badly wanted to hunt him down and make him listen to me, but Andre knew him better, and I needed to respect what they wanted.

  Now that the dust was starting to settle, I was beginning to see things a little more clearly. It was time for me to put my big-girl pants on and pull my head out of my ass. I’d been desperate to switch with Toni because I was overwhelmed. I’d put myself in an impossible situation and convinced myself there was no other way out. But there was always another way.

  Sometimes everything had to fall apart to put things in perspective. Andre had my back, and all I could do was hope Ren would come around. In the meantime, I had a sister I never knew about, and I was excited to have her in my life. It was time to focus on the positives. People were relying on me—and while that didn’t feel so heavy and oppressive as it did one month ago, I still needed to figure out how to save their jobs.

  It was time to change out of the ripped jeans and tank tops and put my pencil skirt back on. It was time to get back to work.

  …

  A: Fave color?

  T: Black

  A: Green

  T: Fave movie?

  A: The Parent Trap. LOL!

  T: hahahaha! Really?

  A: Nah. I don’t know. You?

  T: Probably Thelma and Louise

  A: Fave food?

  T: Loretta’s burgers.

  A: Beignets

  T: If you could have a superpower, what would it be?

  A: Mind reading.

  T: Shapeshifting. Always wondered what it’s like to have a dick.

  A: OMG! Hahaha!

  A: What’s your earliest memory?

  T: Holding my parents’ hands as they swung me between them. Don’t remember where we were or anything. Just remember the sun shining in my eyes and this feeling of exhilaration.

  A: Coffee. My dad let me stick my nose in a bag of ground coffee. I don’t drink it, but I’ve always loved the smell.

  Twenty-Seven

  Toni

  I tucked the phone under my chin and tried to light my cigarette as quietly as possible.

  “Toni!” Of course Alex heard and interrupted herself halfway through her own damn sentence to chastise me. “I thought you were quitting.”

  I took a drag and leaned on the wall near the back door. The little covered area at the top of the stairs was the only place in the alleyway safe from the softly falling rain.

  “No, you told me I had to quit while I was pretending to be you. I’m dealing with a lot of shit. Leave me alone.” It hadn’t even been a week since we realized we were sisters, and she was bossing me around—although she’d been bossing me around since we met if I really thought about it. No surprise she was the eldest—by a whole four minutes. “Now, what were you saying about the winery?”

  “I know you’re deflecting, but I don’t care. I need to talk about this. So Preston has offered to bail us out.”

  “What? That’s excellent.” A genuine smile crossed my face. I wasn’t smiling much these days. I was doing my best to move on, not think about him, focus on the fact that I had a fucking family I never knew anything about. But it still felt like he was haunting me, squeezing my heart as I went about my day, wringing tears from my eyes every damn night as I trie
d to go to sleep.

  “Yeah, the business will be saved, and no one will lose their jobs, but . . .”

  “What? I only have another ten minutes of my break. Spit it out.” The Thousand Lies were halfway through their first set, and I’d ducked out to have a break. I wasn’t drinking like I used to, and I certainly hadn’t taken any losers to bed since I got back, but I couldn’t seem to let go of the smokes. It was like they were my last bit of rebelliousness, some semblance of the old Toni I wasn’t quite ready to let go. Plus, it was stressful as fuck having people in my life I actually gave a shit about.

  “I’ll give you the Cliffs Notes version.” She sighed. “So Preston was in New Orleans to meet with a bunch of businessmen. He was liquidating assets—some holdings his family had and a few of the restaurants. He was planning to use all the money for some big deal, a new opportunity. He didn’t give me details. Anyway, when everything came out about the winery being in trouble, he apparently decided to put that money to another use. He’s offering to bail us out, basically—all the debts will be repaid, we can get back in the green with our suppliers, and we can even invest. But he wants fifty-five percent of the business. It would technically remain in the family—we are cousins, however distant, and he is a Zamorano—but he’ll have the majority share. I’d lose control of my own business. He’d have final say on all decisions.”

  “Shit. There’s no other way?”

  “The only other option is to look for other investors or take the company public. But with this much debt, the stock wouldn’t be worth much, and who in their right mind would invest in a crippled business? I’d probably have to give up an even bigger share.”

  “Then I guess this is the best option.” I took another drag. I felt bad for her. She’d been working her ass off all week, trying to find a solution. Now here was one that sounded about as good as it could get, but it didn’t feel right.

  “Yeah, you’re right. I just feel like I failed him.” All she’d ever wanted to do was make her dad proud.

  “Alex, you are many things, but a failure is not one of them. Get your shit together.”

  “I know. It’s just hard. You sure you don’t want in on this mess?” She laughed, and I snorted. Technically, half the business was mine. Alex and Annabelle had been very transparent about that. They’d brought over reports and statements and paperwork to officially make me part owner. But I said no. No one in their right mind would give me a student loan if I was part owner in a multimillion-dollar company that was up to its eyeballs in debt.

  They understood but said it was mine as soon as I changed my mind. I didn’t see that happening anytime soon. I may not have been getting any of the money Alex had promised, but the whole experience had made me realize I really did want to go to college. I wanted to work with animals, and I was going to make that happen. Andre had even agreed to let me pull back my hours.

  “Positive.” I nodded.

  “Have you sent those applications in yet?”

  “I’m doing it after work tonight.” Summer was coming to an end, so I wasn’t sure when I’d be able to start classes, if it was too late to apply, but I was going to try. “How’s Annabelle doing?”

  “She’s driving me nuts.” I could practically hear her grinding her teeth on the other end. “George left this morning to head back to California. We really need someone to explain the situation to the staff, and I need him there to help manage this mess. But now my buffer is gone. I spend half my time convincing her she can’t just sit at the bar day and night watching you work.”

  I laughed and extinguished my cigarette, blowing the last of the smoke out. My birth mother was sweet but neurotic. Considering what she’d been through, I guess it made sense. She was an emotional mess, but she was so determined to be in my life, to explain things, to know me.

  Now that we had more information, George’s people were able to fill in some of the gaps. Whoever had taken me had managed to get over the state line before the police could reach the remote cabin where Annabelle was. By the time an amber alert was issued, I was long gone. According to records from the adoption agency, I was dumped at a small church in Wisconsin before dawn three days later. By the time the pastor discovered me, whoever had dropped me there was probably hours away. It was assumed I was the result of an unwanted pregnancy, and I was soon adopted by my parents. The reason my birth certificate had a different birthday from Alex’s was because I was issued a new one, and they had to guess the date.

  “Just send her my way if you need a break. Maybe I’ll hold off sending the applications until tomorrow. She can do it with me.” My offer was met with silence.

  “Alex?”

  “Yeah, I’m here. I’m just stunned. I don’t think you know what you’re getting yourself into.”

  “Yeah, I do. She’s been here every damn day anyway.” I laughed to show I really didn’t mind that much. Annabelle had agreed to Alex’s “one check-in text per day” rule for both of us, but she still showed up every day. Even when I was working, she’d just sit at the bar and nurse her gin and tonic, waiting for the lulls in the crowd. Then she’d tell me some silly little story from Alex’s childhood, or she’d ask about my parents. She was avoiding the heavy topics, but she was there.

  “Hey, wouldn’t it be better if you or your mom went to speak with the staff?” I asked. “George is great and all, but he doesn’t own the business.”

  “We don’t want to leave yet.”

  “Why?”

  “Because of you.”

  “Oh.” My chest swelled and contracted at the same time—the anguish of losing Oren making room for another strong feeling. I didn’t know what to say. I hadn’t had anyone consistently show up and give a shit about me since my parents died. But maybe that was because I’d never given them a chance.

  Then Alex had demanded her way into my life, and next thing I knew I had a sister and I was calling her on my breaks because I actually wanted to.

  The door creaked open, and Ren let himself out into the narrow covered area, cigarette already hanging from his lips. As the door swung closed with a thud, he spotted me and sneered.

  “Fucking fantastic. Can’t even have a goddamn cigarette without stepping in crap these days,” he grumbled.

  I narrowed my eyes.

  “Is that Ren?” I could practically see Alex sitting up to attention at the sound of his voice. She’d taken Andre’s advice and given them space, but unable to stand it anymore, she’d tried calling Ren the previous day. He wasn’t taking her calls or replying to messages.

  “Yeah. I gotta go.”

  “Toni! Be nice, please,” she rushed out. “He’s hurting because of me.”

  “I’m hurting too. But I’m not taking it out on anyone. I’ll speak to you later.” I hung up before she could say anything else and tucked my phone into my back pocket.

  The rain continued to fall softly but steadily. There was a slight chill on the breeze, but I was still comfortable in my ripped jeans and loose V-neck T-shirt. My rage was keeping me warm.

  “Did I just hear you say you’re hurting?” He chuckled around his cigarette, holding the lighter up to it and flicking it repeatedly—it wasn’t catching. “Didn’t know you were capable of emotions, you cold-hearted bitch.”

  I gritted my teeth. Ren had always been a dick to me, and I’d always given as good as I got, but this past week had been next level. He was taking everything out on me. Andre was moping around and in a surly mood, and Alex was staying away. None of them needed fucking space. They needed to get over themselves and get their shit together. If I couldn’t be happy, they should at least try. I just didn’t know how to get through to someone who genuinely seemed to hate me.

  “God fucking dammit!” Ren gave up on the lighter and threw the faulty bit of plastic into the alleyway. He plucked the cigarette out of his mouth, slid down the wall until he was sitting, and leaned his head back. “Toni, can you please just leave?” He kept his gaze on the trickle of water fal
ling from the corner of the roof. There was plenty of hostility in his voice, but I heard the pain too.

  For the first time since we’d met, I found common ground with Renshaw Pratt. We were both pining for people we loved. But at least he could do something about it.

  I glanced at the heavy door, then back down to his slumped form. I really didn’t want to do this, but I had a feeling I needed to. There was no chance he’d just open up to me or listen to anything I had to say. I had to give him something first—I had to show him my own gaping wound.

  I sighed and crouched down. He rolled his eyes and groaned.

  I pulled my lighter out of my cleavage, flicked it on, and held it out to him. He frowned at me and flicked his eyes down to my boobs.

  “Gross.” He sneered, but he brought the cigarette up to his lips and lit it.

  I took a deep breath. “I fell in love.”

  He looked at me as if I’d lost my mind. Maybe I had. “So?”

  It hurt to say it, to think about it. “I fell in love with the man Alexandria was supposed to marry. A privileged, entitled, spoiled rich boy. Can you believe it? Me? Falling for someone like that? Except I got to know him, and he’s none of those things—except rich. But that’s not important. My point is, I may not have told him my real name, but I let him see the real me. I didn’t even realize I was doing it, but I bared my fucking soul to this man. For the first time in years, I gave a shit about someone. And then the truth came out.”